The maid of honor just puked.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
