how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
