I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
