Already got asked if we're dating
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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