So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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