i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
