Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize