can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
