I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
its not stalking. its research.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
