I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize