It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
