wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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