either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize