I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize