I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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