Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
