btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I cut my penus on the lid.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
