I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
