I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
