Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
