I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
