No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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