I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
