So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
