are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
