You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
