I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
