conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
