I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
