this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
