I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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