We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
