The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
