My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
