If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
