I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
