If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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