Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
