Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
