Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just want to make out with him forever
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
