He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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