Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
