I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this will be a night to untag.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize