The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
