At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You were trust falling into bushes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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