Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
