After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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