I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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