Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
