we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Houston, we have a squirter
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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