Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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