I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
