I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
