that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
