i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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