i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
