so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
