How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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