Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
