is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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