Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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