I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
