____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
