you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
