After last night, I could never be a politician.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
