the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
